I'm mostly well now. All I can say is finally! I can breathe again. I'm not constantly honking into a tissue anymore. Sleeping is easier, and I'm not exhausted all the time. And, most importantly, I can taste again! I haven't really wanted to eat much lately, because nothing sounds good when everything tastes like cardboard. This was an incredible downer in my little world. I love food. After a loooooooooong meeting yesterday, I had a strawberry margarita while out with a couple of coworkers, and it tasted so deliciously strong--citrusy and just perfect. I'm back!

Being sick, while annoying and uncomfortable, is an interesting experience. I noticed that while feeling so miserable I had the sense of being partially disconnected from my body. I felt like I was observing what was happening without really experiencing it. It was odd to be aware of that, because I didn't really know why or how to make it any different. I'm a sensitive girl (but don't call me sensitive, or I'll get in a huff!) in many ways, so I think I was just hyper-aware of all my cold symptoms, and I focused on dealing with those. Anything else going on with the bod was downgraded in importance. It was a strange sensation.

Friend Casey made me laugh while IMing when I was sick, and I told him that I was wheezing in laughter. He said I probably sounded like that cartoon dog. Muttley. I was like, Muttley? So he sent me the clip below. Great. Isn't it every girl's dream to remind a guy of a cartoon dog? But, he wasn't far off, and I started giggling again. I have the greatest friends!



Saying that my friends (and family!) are the greatest is totally true. If I don't watch it, I'll be gushing on the blog with "I love you...and I love you...and I love you!" Again. I do this sometimes. I'm not going to go into the details of the hows and whys (I don't think I can represent it well here, and, honestly, I don't wish to try), but I had a brief period of emotional turmoil over something last week. It was a something that brought definite closure to a brief chapter of my life. While this closure is ultimately necessary and fine, it was still a bit unsettling, and, well, sad to face the finality. And reality. Securing the remaining lock on a door and walking away, to seal away a whole experience in my heart for good, is always hard. I'm bad at it. Yet, I made the conscious decision many months ago to remove myself from a painful and hopeless situation--there was only one clear choice in my heart and mind, and I know without a doubt it was the right one--and move forward. I honored my truth, and I've always felt really good about that. There was no other alternative. I believe in so much more than what was happening in that situation.

And, through the pain of closing the door, I still carry all the best stuff with me. It will always be. I took a risk. I loved. I had great happiness and sadness and everything in between. I felt completely. I learned more than I could have imagined about who I am and what I truly want in this life and my relationships. I'm more confident in my ability to see what is good for me. I'm more confident in this girl overall. I can honestly say that if I had the chance to do the whole thing over again, knowing this outcome was lurking, I most likely would. Such incredible growth can come from deeply painful situations. I'm not so afraid of that anymore. I have no control over how another sees me or perceives an experience, but nothing can diminish what it meant to me. And, as weird as it may sound, I'm grateful for it all. I wouldn't be me if I didn't feel this way. Rationally, I get that it's all good.

Emotions are rarely rational, however. It can be very annoying when they blindside you in an unsuspecting moment. It appears my heart is just as sensitive as the rest of me. Last week, when I suddenly spun into turmoil, it was totally amazing to have the people in my life, from all over, show up or phone in to say We understand! We love you! Don't worry! Everything is as it should be! Many of them said things that showed such compassion and stretched my understanding. I heard a lot of beautiful words. I came back to earth.

When I think about my life and what's most important, I know I wish to be open and aware, to feel and experience fully, to continuously learn and grow, to have great contentment and joy, and, above all, to love and be loved. I realize now that while I dream of having these things, with the ever-present unlimited room to expand in a lifetime, I am already every single one of these things.

Everything is exactly as it should be.