Standard Operating Procedure

When in Melancholy Megan (MM) Mode, there are a few things that can cheer a girl up:

1. Compliments. Lots and lots of compliments. Gifts. Doting. General adoration and admiration lavished on me, Me, ME! I'll take it!

2. In lieu of compliments/adoration, I guess something like this will have to do:

After reaching the top of the parking garage stairs at work this morning, I turned to see that a female faculty member was right behind me. I greeted her cheerfully, and she responded with, "Oh, hi Megan! I thought that was you...by the shape of your pants."

THE SHAPE OF MY PANTS?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

3. The line, "You can tell Jesus the bitch is back" from the Gossip Girl episode last night. Priceless! I missed most of the episode, because I was chatting on the phone with my sis, but I clicked my phone shut just in time to hear that one. Maybe I should go ultra-religious and good for a while, and then return to my normal self so I can say that line to everyone. Although, I have a feeling Jesus's response to the news would be "Back? Back??? When did she ever leave?" There ain't no foolin the Big J.

4. Answering my phone to hear Trav's growling monster voice saying, "Hi Baconar!" Although, now, thanks to the R. family word shortening, he is insisting my name is Bac (bake or bakes). So our telephone conversations go something like this:

Cute little three year old voice full of glee: "Your name is Bac now!!!"
Me: "Nuh-uh."
Travinator laughing: "Yeah! Your name is Bac now!"
Me: "No!"
Zozo: "Yes! Your name is Bac now!"
Me: "Nooooooooooooo."

And so on. The thing is that just thinking about Travis totally brightens my day, so the phone chats are especially cheering. My heart feels full, and I know I've said this before, but I can't imagine loving anyone more.

5. Chocolate brownie fro yo. I'm not above emotional eating.

6. Listening to my new Sansa Fuze! It came in the mail last week, and I loaded it up with a bunch of music, and now I'm happily listening to it whenever I can. It's great! It's exactly the kind of player I need -- cheap, good sound, nice interface, and expandable memory. I'm motivated to walk, walk, walk, and listen, listen, listen.

7. Lilacs! They are blooming. I walked to a shop the other day and stopped to smell the lilacs all the way. And, peonies! It's looking like I will have peonies in my garden this year. I hope, I hope. My favorite!

8. Laughing with my fabulous girlfriends. Really, they are The Best. They engage in and create utter silliness with me, and I love my time with them.

9. Casey's response to my mini-rant about my sensitivity to being called an over-analyzer/thinker or overly emotional. I don't like it. I call thinking and feeling being an adult who is engaged in the world! It doesn't happen often, but the times it has I've felt totally misunderstood and hurt. Now, if I perceive that anyone is even hinting that I think or feel too much, I get defensive and ruffled. It's ng. Anyway, I explained all this to poor Casey, and what he wrote was great. As far as over-analyzing goes, he says, "I prefer to think of it as Standard Operating Procedure for People Who Don't Want to be Idiots and/or Assholes."

Hahahaha! HA! I laughed and laughed. Standard Operating Procedure! This will stick in my mind. I think I'm now permanently cured of my over-anything sensitivity. Seriously.

10. The incident with the spider. The other day while Em was over, we saw a spider making a run for the sliding glass door. It was a frantic "I gotta get the hell outta here!" dart to freedom. Maybe he'd had enough of the downer vibe and was out. I gladly obliged by opening the door and nudged him along with a Pier 1 Imports flyer. A few minutes later, it seems the same spider (or, I guess, a new one who took the other's cue) was back inside staring at the door in a confused "How am I in this place again?" stance. I hear ya, spider! We repeated the open-the-door-flick-of-the-flyer procedure once again. For the rest of the time, Em and I were on spider watch.

Things that add to MM Mode:

1. Bathing suit shopping. Even the thought of bathing suit shopping. Ugh. Can't. Face. It. I don't even know if I'll be doing much in the sun this summer, but the bottom line is that my current suit is ancient and in tatters. A new one is required. As friend Jen wisely says, you need to be in "a very special place" to handle the emotional trauma of trying on and purchasing a new suit. I think the last time I was in "that special place" was 1992.

2. Dishes. While writing this post I'm motoring back and forth to the sink to wash a few. If I end up buying a place, a dishwasher is a definite requirement.

3. My friend and coworker, Monice, is about to leave me at work and become just my friend. No more coworker, as she is moving on to bigger and better things. I will miss her terribly but I'm happy for this new phase in her life. She's been a great source of humor, advice, support, and, most of all, entertaining commentary (Waldorf & Statler!) in various situations on the job. We've shared in so many, shall we say, hilarious moments this year and laughed much. She's excellent at her job, and I always enjoy and appreciate working with her on tasks/projects. Quite simply, I adore Monice. Now, I'll be relying on her drive-bys to pick me up for lunch.

4. Watching The Dying Gaul. Amazing cast, but a story so depressing you might as well just slit your wrists and get it over with before watching this movie. If you ever decide to pretend you're the dead lover of your husband's gay lover in an internet chat room, beware of grated poisonous root ending up in your salad.

The past couple of days I've had one of my cases of Megan Melancholy. I am in a funk and feel all blahbitty-blah-blah about things. It's not like I'm a total Negative Nancy, as I'm just more low energy and bleah at the moment. It's like a little dark cloud settles over me and I'm perpetually aware of it and hmphy inside as a result. Move on dark cloud!

This week in the world of kooky interactions with people I know, I had this one with the Big Boss while I was standing in a coworker's doorway chatting, and he walked by a couple of times.

Me: Are you waiting to talk with one of us?
BB: No, I'm just wandering the halls. (Indicating that, yeah, he is waiting to talk to one of us.)
Me: Oh yes, because that is what you do all day. Clearly.

Then, I had this convo with my Waving Buddy, who is in his 30s.

Me: Hey! Have you seen the movie Twilight?
WB (while giving me "a look"): NO. (pause) And, if I had I probably wouldn't admit it anyway.

Oh right.

To be fair, I didn't come up with this out of nowhere. I was talking with another coworker whose daughter is really into the Twilight books when WB walked up. However, I had a real problem because coworker's daughter didn't like Edward in the movie. She prefers Zac Ephron. Ew. I take issue with Zac Ephron's hair and just don't get it, whereas Edward is a fox in my eyes. My coworker argued that Edward's head is too large for his body, so his body is totally out of proportion. Yes! Love it! I've discovered this is exactly what I like. Oddly, I suppose, I'm attracted to guys with large melons and small bodies. It just does something for me. Rarr!

Later on, for reasons unknown, and as if the Twilight question wasn't enough, I decided to unload a number of my people-food annoyances/sanitary concerns on to WB while in conversation. I realized what I was doing, and was like, "Anyway, I have some issues with this..." to uncomfortably wrap it up, and he responded with, "Apparently."

I saw Adventureland last weekend and really liked it. I can't think of one bad thing to say about it. I was expecting a dippy movie about kids working at an amusement park for the summer, but instead it was a charming, funny, and surprisingly deep movie about 20-somethings working at an amusement park for a summer.

And, my garden is so lovely right now. I spent a few hours working on it last Sunday, and it's making me super happy right now in all its messy colorfulness. There are tulips and other seasonal flowers mixed in with my begonias, herbs (chives and parsley are still thriving!), bleeding heart, lavender, rosemary, and other greenery. I see my lily plant coming up. I can't wait! Once the seasonal flowers have run their course, I will have some more planting to do.

Had fun girls evening with the ladies this week. We all brought a delicious spread of treats and watched way creepy episodes of Ghost Hunters. Man. I so get into it! We asked our friend who owns the DVDs if they have TAPS/Ghost Hunters t-shirts and things, and she responded with, "Oh yes!" I said, "Oooooo. I'm going to have to go home and search the merch!" Search the merch! It's my new best rhyme.

Well, since my life seems pretty stable at the moment, and in light of all the chaos with the economy that's led to housing price decreases and lower interest rates, I'm thinking about looking into buying a teeny-tiny place of my own, since that is no doubt what I'll still end up with if I stay more in-city. I'm feeling disdainful at the thought of settling in suburbia and commuting every day, even though I might be able to buy something larger than a cardboard box next to the Troll if I go the distance. Where is my garden space outside the box? I guess this could be a very grown up step to take, but these thoughts are making me re-evaluate my life and what I want. I don't know. I don't even know if it's possible at this point, especially when I'm wanting to work on grad school, but I think I'm going to explore the possibility this summer when I'm not wrapped up in classes and stuff. We. Shall. See.

Randy Pausch died today. He was an amazing man who led an amazing life, and it should be celebrated. But, I'm so sad for what his loss means to the world, and more importantly, his family. A little part of me believed that somehow he would make it through this ordeal with cancer, his will to live would carry him through. I think a lot of people hoped for that. So, even though this inevitable end was expected sooner rather than later, it feels abrupt and way too soon. My heavy heart is mourning his death, and I'm preparing to go to a funeral this afternoon.

Trav is into calling everyone Bacon R. now. And I mean everyone. To him it's the funniest joke ever, and he laughs and laughs. He was at Trader Joe's with Molly the other day and called two ladies Bacon R., cracking himself up. Obviously, the ladies had no idea what he was talking about, and Mols had to say, "Excuse him," and hustle Trav along.

Today I was working with my student at the reading program, and I asked her if she would be coming back during the school year. She said yes, and I told her I was really glad because I plan to return during the academic year, too. She was so sweet, jumping in to say that she hopes I'll continue to be her tutor. It was a great moment because, although I've really enjoyed working with her, I couldn't tell how much we'd actually bonded. Those words made me so incredibly happy.

I'm going to have some significant Twin time with my lovely friend, Shannon, who will be visiting at the end of this week. I can't wait!

On a much sadder note, a student I've worked with at my job passed away unexpectedly Saturday night after suffering an allergic reaction to medicine he received during a surgery last week. When I found out the next morning, I felt a deep sense of loss and sadness. It's just so hard to believe. I didn't know him very well, but in my interactions with him he was always a funny, smart, quirky, and friendly guy, and I know he will be missed by many. My heart breaks for his family, and the whole thing just seems so unfair and tragic. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that someone so young, with a whole pile of experiences ahead of him, is gone. I plan to attend the funeral later this week to acknowledge and respect the life he lived, but right now I find myself picturing him in my head and thinking he has to be here still. Times like this hit home just how fleeting and fragile life can be, and it's a bit terrifying to dwell in the understanding that our worlds could all be gone in an instant. Yes, on one hand this serves as an important reminder to live each moment in gratitude, grab on to life, and to take every opportunity we have to truly love ourselves and others fully. I believe that is the whole point of being here. What other acceptable choice do we have really? But, it's impossible not to question how something so terrible could happen and to not feel rotten about it. It so totally stinks.