SGB #2: I Just Became Someone Else’s Bad Date Blog

OK, peeps, I definitely have more to say about the Spitter from my previous post (uh, YEAH!), and I will, but for now enjoy super guest blog #2 from CTI!

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You know how sometimes you react emotionally, and the emotion is so strong, you mistake it for pure reason (“How could I possibly be wrong about this? It’s so CLEAR.”), so you act on it and then when the adrenaline is gone, you’re just kinda like, ….oh. Ooops.

Or maybe you’re usually so rational that when something happens and you react emotionally, you’re like, “The hell with it. Everyone always says I should be more spontaneous, so FINE. How’s this for spontaneous?!” And then when the adrenaline is gone, you’re just kinda like, …oh. Hm. You cry a little and scratch your head and thank who ever is listening that your girlfriends love you…and will let you buy them cocktails.

Those of you who read my last post will remember that the guys who enter my World of Dating get nicknames. Interestingly, the most recent guy did not get one. Well, ok, except that he was Guy Without a Nickname for a while. I thought it was a good sign, and in fact he was around for about a month - a record for me in the last two years. (I just remembered that in my last post I also said that what I really want is to tango with a man who brings me flowers. I should have known when Guy Without a Nickname said “flowers are a dead gift” that he wasn’t the one for me.)

***Chatty Girl note: What is up with some of these guys and their "flowers are a dead gift" mentality??? Let me tell ya fellas, flowers are one of THE gifts. But that's another blog post. Carry on, CTI.***

The No Nickname Phenomenon was not because he was generic, but more that there weren’t any good single words or short phrases to describe him. Subtle? No, he certainly wasn’t subtle. Sneaky? Well, not exactly. He was more of a, “I have to tell you this story so you understand what I mean about him” kind of date.

Some of the names I’ve thought of since getting to know him better are:

• Stir the Pot at Work Guy
• I Have to Pay Cash for Everything/I Can’t Own Credit Cards Because I Max Them Out Guy
• Hey Wanna Meet Me at Walmart and Help Me Schlep My 56” Flat Panel Guy
• I Should Get Credit for Showing Up to Dinner at All Since I’m Such a Bad Planner Guy
• “Let Me Make You Dinner” Really Means “Let Me Buy You Mexican” Guy

And finally, my favorite:

• How About We Have Sex and Then I Bail on You, Except That What I Really Do is Treat You Like Crap Until You Call Me On It Guy

***Chatty Girl note/chant: Dump the chump! Dump the chump!***

You know what really kills me about this? This is a man with two Master’s degrees in the social sciences, who impressed upon me that he could be vulnerable emotionally, who said he always wanted me to feel safe and comfortable in his presence. And yet he still behaves like this? What hope is there, seriously?

Anyway, I sent the “Dear John” letter. (Let’s just call him John from now on, shall we?) (Oh, and, I’ve...paraphrased.)

Dear John,

As you know, I’m uber rational and feel the need to specifically illuminate the reasons you are a pooze, and I am therefore no longer inclined to be intimately involved with you.

1. Although you expressed a desire to cultivate an emotional and physical connection with me, you alienated me and enjoyed watching me flounder about in confusion.
2. You are an intelligent, educated man (I use the term loosely) yet still manage to be physically incapable of verbalizing the simple phrase, “I’m sorry but I just don’t think we are a good match.”
3. You have a propensity for playing psychological games with people, so I’m not entirely convinced I’m not just your latest Mind Fuck Project.

As you may also know, I naively want to give people the benefit of the doubt, even when doing so will clearly undermine my own ability to move on and find a healthier relationship, so just in case I’m totally wrong and you still think I’m cute and you really, really want to win me back, I’m still willing to talk. :)

Oh, and P.S. it makes me feel really bad to say anything that might hurt someone’s feelings so if you just ask I’ll be glad to apologize and find things to say that make you feel better.

Cheers,

CTI

Strangely, I got no response. Hm.

Unfortunately, when you’re uber rational all the time, your moments of irrationality can be like a super-nova. Big, bright burst of white-hot heat with science geeks eager to document the event.

So, CTI had a little psychotic episode. John hadn't responded to her email, and while she was waiting for Chatty Girl to finish up some work before going out for drinks, CTI checked his MySpace page. There was a post from a busty blonde - "April" - dated the night before (when supposedly he was working, which was why he couldn’t meet to talk about the relationship and why he ultimately got the email) - that read "Thanks for being a friend. I enjoyed your company."

CTI lost – and I mean LOST - her mind. Bursting into flames in her office chair was only narrowly avoided. The following text exchange ensued.

To John:

Why did you feel you had to lie to me? I don't care who April is, but really? You couldn’t just tell me we were over?

(Dear reader, are you imagining a hysterical screaming banshee? You should be.)

From John:

A) I didn't and don't feel the need to lie to you and 2) you have no idea what you are talking about.

To John:

You are right I have no idea - you don't talk to me. I'm sorry that I'm feeling hurt over this whole thing but do you blame me?

From John:

(no response)

(ever)

The text exchange was then followed by wracking sobs and tears on Chatty Girl's desk. There was tissue rationing.

***Chatty Girl note: Yes, yes there was. It's difficult in these situations when you have only two tissues left.***

There has been no additional communication from John. Guess I sealed the deal on that one.

By the way, yes he did actually use A) then 2). (And just to be mean, I might add that on his MySpace page he called something “exceptable” instead of “acceptable.” Where did you go to grad school again?)

But um, ok, wow. Can you say psycho? In about ten minutes I went from Rational Girl Who Yeah Got Blown Off But Handled it Well to Psycho Stalker Texting Accusations Girl. If I were on the other end of this experience, I’d be blogging about that too – it’s insane!

So clearly I have some issues. One of them is trust. One of them is self control when overcome by emotion. This is a fairly bad combination.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, me sending two slightly irrational texts is not so bad. I had just dumped the guy, so why did I even care who he was spending time with? She probably was just a friend. The real problem was that, as usual, I trusted someone and put effort into what I thought was a real chance at a relationship, and they blew me off. Maybe they weren’t lying, but they weren’t telling the whole truth, either. I HATE that shit.

Anyway, I guess I can be glad I’m not the girl who had to deal with SPIT Guy. Ew.