Em had a dream last night that I won a contest, so I "got" to hang out with the squirrels in Woodland Park overnight. She says I was running around with them, and she was cracking up. Frolicking with squirrels in Woodland Park. My dream realized.

I had a doctor's appointment today without too many of the touchy "why don't I just ask a bunch of questions that are calculated to make you feel either slutty or barren and depressed?" moments (as Em calls them) with my doc. As I've written before, past experience has shown that a seemingly innocent line of questioning can suddenly take a turn, so you must always be on guard slightly. This time was fairly painless, which was a relief.

Have we all at one time or another been cornered by Inappropriate Drunk Guy (IDG) at a party? Last weekend I went to a friend's birthday and was immediately confronted by IDG. He grabbed my hand, kissed it, and expressed deep sorrow for the migraine headache that had prevented me from attending his art show earlier in the day. I removed hand, said yeah, that's too bad, and made a beeline to the kitchen for some wine, smoothly dodging a pat on the ass as I made my way by. Later, IDG ended up sitting next to me while a bunch of us were chatting. I had one ankle propped up on my knee, and a few nice people made admiring comments about my shoes and fun socks. IDG took it upon himself to grab my ankle under the guise of inspecting my footwear more closely...and then didn't let go.

Me: Uhhhh...(looking pointedly at hand gripping ankle)

IDG: I'm holding on to your ankle.

Me: I can see that. Having a good time?

IDG: Yes.

(A few uncomfortable moments of silence with me sending unhand me, this is unwelcome vibes. I don't know if you've ever had a near stranger clasping your ankle, but it's a lot more awkward than sounds, especially in a room full of people who are observing what's going on.)

Me: Um, I think...(start turning to move ankle away)

IDG: Fine. I'll let go since I can see you want me to.

Me: Yeah.

IDG: So, tell me the last dirty thing you've done?

Me: Well, let me tell you...

Yeah right. As. If.

My friend Amy and I talked and laughed about this the next day, and IDG is now referred to as the Ankle Grabber. As in, Hands off, Ankle Grabber! Things took an even sorrier turn later in the evening when the Ankle Grabber tried to claim to the room at large that GNR was the very last rock band ever. The ankle was one thing, but at that point Megan R. reached her limit and decided to go home.