My Christmas tree is still sitting outside my door waiting to be taken to the dump. It's the end of March, and there it is. It's turning a bright orange and pretty much screams fire hazard every time I walk by it. At first I wasn't bothered having it out there, but now it really bugs, and I let out a huffy sigh every time I see it and think, "You again. Go away!" My friend and I try to coordinate a time to take it away in her truck, but inevitably our plans are always changing, so it sits. We're going to try to make it happen this weekend. Here's to hoping, because my annoyance level with myself is reaching an all time high, and I have a creepy-crawly feeling every time I catch a glimpse of that thing. My sister, Molly, was appalled when I mentioned the status of the tree. "Megan R! It's still sitting there??? I can't believe it. You are the biggest Procrastinator! But, don't worry. I still love you anyway."

Thank you very much. It's true. In recent years I've learned to own up to my procrastination and the fact that I'm almost always late (I hate being early, but somehow the concept of arriving on time just doesn't click in my wormy brain). I'm lucky my friends are mostly okay with it and joke about how I've embraced my perpetual lateness like it's a charming little quality. At least, that's what they say to my face. It's entirely possible that they sit around talking snarkily about what an inconsiderate jerk I am while waiting for me to arrive. Possible and understandable. Who could blame them?

Right. I think I need to make a 30 year old resolution to stop this nonsense. It's pathetic. From now on, I'm going to take care of necessary tasks in a timely fashion and will always arrive exactly on time. No more pounding on the steering wheel in road rage frustration, because traffic and other people's stupid driving will no longer concern my unhurried self. The night before a trip, I will not sit on the couch watching She's Having a Baby and eating English muffins until 2am with not a single item in the suitcase. No, sir. This is the new me. By 8pm I will be packed and ready to go, so I can retire early, get a good night's sleep, and wake up refreshed for my journey. I'm also going to think only nice, charitable thoughts about everyone and everything at every moment. Under the new Megan rules, I'll wake up early to meditate on all my nice thoughts, om-ing myself into blissful Zen state. Gone are the days of hitting snooze five times before dragging myself out of bed! And, with my extra morning time, I will finally become a "together" person who styles her hair, applies a little make-up, and spends more than 30 seconds selecting an outfit before running out the door to miss the bus.

Why stop there? From now on, my mind will no longer be endlessly preoccupied with silly little thoughts about boys and...well, boys. Nope. We're done with that funny business. It's intellectual pursuits only from this point forward! With the huge amount of newly reclaimed mind space, I will become accomplished brainiac--nerd, if you wish--who discovers an environmentally friendly way to dissolve Christmas trees at home, making a trip to the dump, or the purchase of a saw, unnecessary.

Here we go.