Do You Ever Have a Day When...

1. A young whippersnapper visiting your office asks if the autographed photo you have of an Elvis impersonator (long story that I've probably already told somewhere in here) on your window ledge is something you actually got from Elvis? You sit there semi-amused at question but horrified that young whippersnapper believes you are old enough to have once approached Elvis for an autograph. Patiently explain that you were born the year Elvis died and were too young to have formed an obsession at that point. Tell impersonator story as further evidence of youth. Uninterested whippersnapper responds with "Oh" and then comments on how "homey" your office feels. Sigh.

2. You feel jealous when you see a used condom lying on the ground? (this may have come up before too, but seriously...)

3. Following up on #2, you find a man in the boring, reel-to-reel, 1970's film you're watching in class attractive? After further inspection, you realize man may actually be woman. It's hard to tell with the hair. Feel sexually confused.

4. You have the urge to smack anyone who comes into your office to ask you a work-related question?

5. Your gardener friend whisks you away to Swanson's to pick out plants for your neglected flower bed? Once there, and much to your surprise, she spends a small fortune on plants and compost for you, and then comes over to put your garden together while you pretty much stand there uselessly holding the shovel. This was my Sunday. My little garden is so gorgeous! I'm loving it. So often I am struck with appreciation and amazement for how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends. Am feeling the pressure to keep plants alive, though, after the money she spent. I will be a good gardener. I will be a good gardener.

Forget it. It's hopeless.

Start savings account now for replacement plants when the time inevitably comes.

6. A guy your friend is dating casually breaks things off by giving her a stuffed animal flower (from Safeway no doubt, I've seen them) and a little talk about how crazy his life is, leaving no room for "serious" dating? Your friend is mostly relieved that things have ended (she wasn't sure how to break it off herself) but is huffy about the stupid flower parting gift. Who could blame her?

7. Another friend tells you that her dad once became a Jehovah's Witness for a while, because (expectant pause as you wait for her to reveal his religious convictions)...he didn't have any friends?

My list today could go on, but I must run out the door. Have made last minute decision to go with Em to the Mew and Kasabian show tonight, as in need of something to work through the weirdness of this day. I'll cope with rock music and (many) cocktails and see if I regret it tomorrow.

Ahem.

8. Your friend who talked you in to going to the show calls you an hour or so beforehand to tell you she's lost her urge to rock? Hmph. You go home to take bubble bath, read good book, and watch Big Love. Tomorrow will be a better day.