Standard Operating Procedure

When in Melancholy Megan (MM) Mode, there are a few things that can cheer a girl up:

1. Compliments. Lots and lots of compliments. Gifts. Doting. General adoration and admiration lavished on me, Me, ME! I'll take it!

2. In lieu of compliments/adoration, I guess something like this will have to do:

After reaching the top of the parking garage stairs at work this morning, I turned to see that a female faculty member was right behind me. I greeted her cheerfully, and she responded with, "Oh, hi Megan! I thought that was you...by the shape of your pants."

THE SHAPE OF MY PANTS?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

3. The line, "You can tell Jesus the bitch is back" from the Gossip Girl episode last night. Priceless! I missed most of the episode, because I was chatting on the phone with my sis, but I clicked my phone shut just in time to hear that one. Maybe I should go ultra-religious and good for a while, and then return to my normal self so I can say that line to everyone. Although, I have a feeling Jesus's response to the news would be "Back? Back??? When did she ever leave?" There ain't no foolin the Big J.

4. Answering my phone to hear Trav's growling monster voice saying, "Hi Baconar!" Although, now, thanks to the R. family word shortening, he is insisting my name is Bac (bake or bakes). So our telephone conversations go something like this:

Cute little three year old voice full of glee: "Your name is Bac now!!!"
Me: "Nuh-uh."
Travinator laughing: "Yeah! Your name is Bac now!"
Me: "No!"
Zozo: "Yes! Your name is Bac now!"
Me: "Nooooooooooooo."

And so on. The thing is that just thinking about Travis totally brightens my day, so the phone chats are especially cheering. My heart feels full, and I know I've said this before, but I can't imagine loving anyone more.

5. Chocolate brownie fro yo. I'm not above emotional eating.

6. Listening to my new Sansa Fuze! It came in the mail last week, and I loaded it up with a bunch of music, and now I'm happily listening to it whenever I can. It's great! It's exactly the kind of player I need -- cheap, good sound, nice interface, and expandable memory. I'm motivated to walk, walk, walk, and listen, listen, listen.

7. Lilacs! They are blooming. I walked to a shop the other day and stopped to smell the lilacs all the way. And, peonies! It's looking like I will have peonies in my garden this year. I hope, I hope. My favorite!

8. Laughing with my fabulous girlfriends. Really, they are The Best. They engage in and create utter silliness with me, and I love my time with them.

9. Casey's response to my mini-rant about my sensitivity to being called an over-analyzer/thinker or overly emotional. I don't like it. I call thinking and feeling being an adult who is engaged in the world! It doesn't happen often, but the times it has I've felt totally misunderstood and hurt. Now, if I perceive that anyone is even hinting that I think or feel too much, I get defensive and ruffled. It's ng. Anyway, I explained all this to poor Casey, and what he wrote was great. As far as over-analyzing goes, he says, "I prefer to think of it as Standard Operating Procedure for People Who Don't Want to be Idiots and/or Assholes."

Hahahaha! HA! I laughed and laughed. Standard Operating Procedure! This will stick in my mind. I think I'm now permanently cured of my over-anything sensitivity. Seriously.

10. The incident with the spider. The other day while Em was over, we saw a spider making a run for the sliding glass door. It was a frantic "I gotta get the hell outta here!" dart to freedom. Maybe he'd had enough of the downer vibe and was out. I gladly obliged by opening the door and nudged him along with a Pier 1 Imports flyer. A few minutes later, it seems the same spider (or, I guess, a new one who took the other's cue) was back inside staring at the door in a confused "How am I in this place again?" stance. I hear ya, spider! We repeated the open-the-door-flick-of-the-flyer procedure once again. For the rest of the time, Em and I were on spider watch.

Things that add to MM Mode:

1. Bathing suit shopping. Even the thought of bathing suit shopping. Ugh. Can't. Face. It. I don't even know if I'll be doing much in the sun this summer, but the bottom line is that my current suit is ancient and in tatters. A new one is required. As friend Jen wisely says, you need to be in "a very special place" to handle the emotional trauma of trying on and purchasing a new suit. I think the last time I was in "that special place" was 1992.

2. Dishes. While writing this post I'm motoring back and forth to the sink to wash a few. If I end up buying a place, a dishwasher is a definite requirement.

3. My friend and coworker, Monice, is about to leave me at work and become just my friend. No more coworker, as she is moving on to bigger and better things. I will miss her terribly but I'm happy for this new phase in her life. She's been a great source of humor, advice, support, and, most of all, entertaining commentary (Waldorf & Statler!) in various situations on the job. We've shared in so many, shall we say, hilarious moments this year and laughed much. She's excellent at her job, and I always enjoy and appreciate working with her on tasks/projects. Quite simply, I adore Monice. Now, I'll be relying on her drive-bys to pick me up for lunch.

4. Watching The Dying Gaul. Amazing cast, but a story so depressing you might as well just slit your wrists and get it over with before watching this movie. If you ever decide to pretend you're the dead lover of your husband's gay lover in an internet chat room, beware of grated poisonous root ending up in your salad.

The past couple of days I've had one of my cases of Megan Melancholy. I am in a funk and feel all blahbitty-blah-blah about things. It's not like I'm a total Negative Nancy, as I'm just more low energy and bleah at the moment. It's like a little dark cloud settles over me and I'm perpetually aware of it and hmphy inside as a result. Move on dark cloud!

This week in the world of kooky interactions with people I know, I had this one with the Big Boss while I was standing in a coworker's doorway chatting, and he walked by a couple of times.

Me: Are you waiting to talk with one of us?
BB: No, I'm just wandering the halls. (Indicating that, yeah, he is waiting to talk to one of us.)
Me: Oh yes, because that is what you do all day. Clearly.

Then, I had this convo with my Waving Buddy, who is in his 30s.

Me: Hey! Have you seen the movie Twilight?
WB (while giving me "a look"): NO. (pause) And, if I had I probably wouldn't admit it anyway.

Oh right.

To be fair, I didn't come up with this out of nowhere. I was talking with another coworker whose daughter is really into the Twilight books when WB walked up. However, I had a real problem because coworker's daughter didn't like Edward in the movie. She prefers Zac Ephron. Ew. I take issue with Zac Ephron's hair and just don't get it, whereas Edward is a fox in my eyes. My coworker argued that Edward's head is too large for his body, so his body is totally out of proportion. Yes! Love it! I've discovered this is exactly what I like. Oddly, I suppose, I'm attracted to guys with large melons and small bodies. It just does something for me. Rarr!

Later on, for reasons unknown, and as if the Twilight question wasn't enough, I decided to unload a number of my people-food annoyances/sanitary concerns on to WB while in conversation. I realized what I was doing, and was like, "Anyway, I have some issues with this..." to uncomfortably wrap it up, and he responded with, "Apparently."

I saw Adventureland last weekend and really liked it. I can't think of one bad thing to say about it. I was expecting a dippy movie about kids working at an amusement park for the summer, but instead it was a charming, funny, and surprisingly deep movie about 20-somethings working at an amusement park for a summer.

And, my garden is so lovely right now. I spent a few hours working on it last Sunday, and it's making me super happy right now in all its messy colorfulness. There are tulips and other seasonal flowers mixed in with my begonias, herbs (chives and parsley are still thriving!), bleeding heart, lavender, rosemary, and other greenery. I see my lily plant coming up. I can't wait! Once the seasonal flowers have run their course, I will have some more planting to do.

Had fun girls evening with the ladies this week. We all brought a delicious spread of treats and watched way creepy episodes of Ghost Hunters. Man. I so get into it! We asked our friend who owns the DVDs if they have TAPS/Ghost Hunters t-shirts and things, and she responded with, "Oh yes!" I said, "Oooooo. I'm going to have to go home and search the merch!" Search the merch! It's my new best rhyme.

Well, since my life seems pretty stable at the moment, and in light of all the chaos with the economy that's led to housing price decreases and lower interest rates, I'm thinking about looking into buying a teeny-tiny place of my own, since that is no doubt what I'll still end up with if I stay more in-city. I'm feeling disdainful at the thought of settling in suburbia and commuting every day, even though I might be able to buy something larger than a cardboard box next to the Troll if I go the distance. Where is my garden space outside the box? I guess this could be a very grown up step to take, but these thoughts are making me re-evaluate my life and what I want. I don't know. I don't even know if it's possible at this point, especially when I'm wanting to work on grad school, but I think I'm going to explore the possibility this summer when I'm not wrapped up in classes and stuff. We. Shall. See.

You gotta love life, and I do!

Today was one of those days where lots of small funnies kept happening, which was good, because I had an event this afternoon that I felt fairly anxious about for some reason, but happily it all went very well.

First, during lunch pre-event, I had a discussion with the big boss about the difference between light and dark jeans in terms of fashion. He did not see a difference. I patiently explained that light jeans totally say "casual!" while dark jeans, depending on how and what you wear them with, can be dressed up or down. If you've seen one pair of jeans, you haven't seen them all. This led to some disagreement. Luckily, the topic came up later at the event, and fashionista friend backed me up, also stating that the rules of fashion just are. Yes! You know them when you see them. I'm not sure that I've changed anyone's mind here, but I'm sure that I'm right!

However, I've noticed lately I'm the queen of unsolicited fashion advice. I'm not sure it's appreciated when, walking along with a male coworker, I burst out mid-conversation (totally unrelated) with, "...and stop wearing so much white! It's not your color. You're an autumn!" Yikes. Helpful but possibly unwanted. Or, when Monice wears a fabulous shirt, I point out that color is stunning on her because she is a winter. I had a fashion consultation once several years ago, and suddenly I'm an expert. But, I know what I know. Or when I say to someone, "What's going on here?" making a circular motion with my pointer finger to indicate that "here" means your outfit. Or, when I decide it's necessary to explain in detail to the boss why different kinds of jeans work in different contexts. I have a lot of opinions on this particular subject, and they just come out.

Then, at the event, I was waving a group of people on in the hallways to get them to their next activity, and one of the students said to me, "Megan, you're always waving. You're such a waver." Another one chimed in with, "It's so friendly!" in a friendly way. First of all, friendly? Me? Second, I suppose it's true. I am a waver. I like the students, and when I see them, I like to acknowledge that. I'm not one for yelling out "Hi-iiiii!" up the stairwell or across the room, so very often I smile and wave. Also, sometimes I'm walking in or out listening to my MP3 player (which just quit on me a couple of days ago. I'm bummed. I have no luck with electronics!), so I figure since I can't hear very well and might shout, I'll just wave. This is what happens when members of the God Squad try to approach me when I'm leaving work. I end up saying, "SORRY, I GOTTA GO!" over the sound of my player, which makes them think I'm nuts. Or I shake my head slightly and give them an ominous look that says, "Don't even try it." I had one approach me and start talking while I was on my cell phone, and he got the incredulous REALLY??? look as I huffed off. I have so little patience for this business. There is no waving involved, because my hands are firmly in my pockets. Members of the GS tend to come at you with a hand outstretched, and I dodge it, because while I wouldn't mind meeting the person, I know instead I'm shaking hands with their agenda. I have no interest in that.

Anyway, back to the topic at, ahem, hand. Thinking about it, I did a lot of waving at this event for various reasons, when I wasn't charging around with a microphone. At the reception, I was sharing the friendly waving comments with coworkers, and I explained to one that I shall now be known as "the Waver." From this point on, he will not receive any verbal greetings from me, only waves. So, when he passed me on his way out for the night, he waved goodbye. Right on.

After the event, I asked a few of the guy students to help me schlep some heavy stuff back into the office, and they agreed. Jokingly I said, "Is there some muscle power in this room?" and they responded immediately, in unison, with a resounding "NO!!" For some reason, maybe it was just this particular group, it made me laugh and laugh. I adore the students.

On my way home, I stopped at the store to pick up a few items, and I noticed newly installed Jelly Belly dispensers. I love Jelly Bellies. They so remind me of going to the local QFC with friend Shannon when we were in high school and selecting all our faves to take to work or to a sleepover. I felt so nostalgic that I ripped a Jelly Belly bag off the side of the stand and quickly filled it up with $6 worth of jelly beans. I had a difficult time controlling the dispenser.

And now, as much as I'd like to type more, I'm off to an "Erotic Party." I type that in quotes, because I've been told by one of the planners that it's a joke. I hope that is the case, and not a ruse, because for many reasons that I won't go into here, it is not ok for me to be at an erotic party with this group! NG. I explained to friend that if I arrive and everyone is in thongs, reveling in kinkiness, I will be shimmying out the bathroom window before my pic is taken and ends up on Facebook. He laughed and told me the window handle is broken, so I may be exiting the normal way through the front door. In either case, I bought a bottle of Menage a Trois wine to bring. Whether I stay or go, I might as well keep in the spirit of things in my gifting.

I just don't even know what to say about that. Have a good night.

Your friend,

The Waver

Nutella Obsession

I have one. I bought a jar, and I bought some pretzels. Now I'm into dipping pretzels into Nutella and scarfing them down. I'm not crazy; I just have issues!

Odd News

Some might pose the question: if you love the Eiffel Tower so much, why don't you marry it? Well, I would, BUT IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE! Yikes. Can you imagine having the Eiff as your "partner"? What are you and the Eiff up to tonight? Oh, not much, just hangin out. Dude, it is such a workaholic!

I don't know, man. The Eiff is super attractive, but I just feel like I might be looking for a bit more. I miss it, though. Lots.

On an unrelated note, I started my class this evening, and it was great. Two and a half hours of hearing about and talking about autism spectrum disorders with people who are as interested (and, in many cases, way more knowledgeable) as I am is very cool. In today's class, we watched videos on the Autism Speaks site that shows comparisons between typical development behaviors in kids and signs of ASD. The differences are very interesting to observe. Tonight is the start of reading Eating an Artichoke.

Since being home, I'm in this weirdo phase where I get tired at a normal time, rather than my usual crazy night owl time, and I *gasp* go to bed. Then, I wake up every morning at precisely 6:48am. It's bizarre! 6:48am! The past couple of days I've been able to go back to sleep for a bit until the alarm goes off. But, when the first wake-up happens, I open my eyes and think, it's 6:48am. Then I check the clock. Yep. My dreams have been really wacky too. Something happened in Frahnce. Plus, when I wake up after a good night of sleep and turn the radio to listen while getting ready, I now have the urge to dance. So I do.

More Nostalgia

I've heard No Woman No Cry about three times on the radio today, probably because it's Bob Marley's birthday. I don't even like reggae music much, as I find I get bored and annoyed with its sameness, but I love this song. It reminds me of being in high school. I remember listening to it on cassette in my car. I think it was even our homecoming song one year, which if funny, but I'm sure I voted for it. I hear the opening notes and I'm happy. It's the "everything's gonna be alright" part that sucks me in. I get into it and am all "that's right!" as I'm singing along.

Honest

My embarrassing confession is that, in the middle of all these good, deeper movies I'm seeing, I'm actually looking forward to catching He's Just Not That Into You. Because...I've been there, and I like the idea of a movie that shows others have too. I can relate. Oh yes. In the past couple of years, I have found myself in unsatisfying "situations" that all, after a bunch of annoying monkey business, have pretty much amounted to just that. He's just not that into me. Not that I'm a victim, because I played my part, and I've learned a hell of a lot in these "situations."

First, I've learned that I'm just not that into lame, chump-like behavior (LCB), and I now have a firm Just Say No policy to questionable acts and character. Second, I've learned to Just Say No to LCB a lot quicker and opt out much sooner when it makes an appearance. No messing around. No more trying to figure it out. No more concessions once I know, as my friend S says, exactly what I'm dealing with. It is what it is. Third, I've learned that I deserve waaaaaaaaaaay better than LCB, and I think this has perhaps been the most important lesson of all for me--growth, clarity, greater self-esteem. It's the basis of one of my New Year's resolutions, actually. I won't ever give up on love, and I'm going to spend time with men of strong character who are just that into me. It's a nice change.

Over It

Snow. And the cold. Enough already.

And now, I'm doubly over award shows after seeing the Oscar noms. Another case of, Really? Benjamin Button is up for how many while RR got pretty much nothing? That's just wrong. Out of the four awardish movies I've seen so far (RR, Doubt, BB, and Rachel Getting Married), BB is at the bottom of my list. I mean, it was alright for sure. Worth the few hours. Nice little story. But...I just don't get it. Yes, the actors did a fine job, and the effects of an 80 year old Brad Pitt were realistic and well done. However, did you notice when he got young he looked like a plastic Ken doll shot up with several syringes of Botox? Overall, I just don't see it as "award winning." The award show boycott continues.

By the way, Rachel Getting Married was incredible. Another one on the Loved It! list.

Unexpected

Finding myself playing Guitar Hero (for the first time) to a Pat Benatar song with a bunch of students. It was fun! They are sweet and didn't laugh at me much, just seemed happy that I would play. I got better the next round to Social D, but I have a long way to go. I see how this game is addicting in the same way as DDR, so it's probably good I don't have regular access to it. :-)

Confused

I'm a fan of Joaquin Phoenix, and I was sad to hear of his decision to retire from acting. However, I didn't realize that acting was soon to be followed by rapping (check out the link for pics and a clip), and, apparently, the fade out of personal hygiene. What is going on? Now, while I'm all for a person's right to rap, something about this is way off. The sunglasses stayed the same, but this new look is totally different, and, in my opinion, a bit worrisome. "He thinks he's Matisyahu!" declared one of my friends. Hmmmm. Maybe so. I discussed the transformation with another friend who, like me, thinks Joaquin is a talented actor and a hottie, and we both questioned the state of things. My friend's train of thought quickly led to, "My boyfriend just grew a beard. Is a paunch, unwashed hair, and rapping next?" I told her she should watch out and put the ki-bosh on that immediately because, otherwise, this could be next...

Yikes.

Nostalgia

So, back in the day--ok, maybe even just a couple of years ago--if I was going to do a shot of something with a chaser, it was most likely gonna be something with alcohol, like tequila and lime. Nowadays, alcohol is less frequent, and instead I find myself at smoothie joints downing a shot of wheatgrass with an orange chaser. Woohoo!

Times have changed.

Scintillating

Scintillating: Conversations about life, love, music, religion, politics, good books or movies, "private time," good dates, even the problem of the video tape I have running in my head constantly (those who know me know exactly what I mean! It's come up this week), etc.

Not Scintillating: Conversations about the show M*A*S*H...or brown dust.

Witty

In email exchange with friend Casey (Subject: 0000001, 0000001, 0000001, 00001111!, in honor of FotC) I accused him of being a "Negative Nancy," for reasons I won't mention, and he responded back with "Oh no you don't! You went on the offensive here, not me! I'm Kuwait, you're Iraq."

My response: I'm Paris, you're Detroit.

(Side note for readers who may be confused: Not Hilton, the CITY!)

Hahahahaha! I love that line! It's my line of the year. And I came up with it in January.

Really, I've had too much fun with that one. Told coworkers. Put it up on Facebook for a while and had people comment on it, or talk to me about it. Even the lady who runs our coffee stand at work mentioned it to me. I regaled my friends with the story of my witty comeback. I think they're over it now, but I'm not!

Humbled

Best random MySpace message received this week:

Subject: damn
Message: You are a fox.

A fox, you say? Why, thank you. (I knew it!!) Oh...Hmmm...wait a minute...

OK, fine! I'll check out your band or whatever!