Family Time

This is how it goes. Aunt, sister and I spend an afternoon at the outlet mall shops and the main strip of Lincoln City. Once we realize we're extremely hungry, we head off to a Mexican restaurant that comes highly rated on Yelp. Not much in Lincoln City is highly rated on Yelp, to be honest. We snack on warm, salty chips that we dip into tangy green salsa and earthy mole. Margaritas and white wine arrive. We take sips while we dig into tortillas and melted cheese, beans, and rice.

After lunch, we walk over to the Christmas Cottage and enter a cramped space packed full of ornaments. This is not an exaggeration. Ornaments of all kinds dangle from the walls and the green, fake garland draped from ceiling. Any potential open space in the shop is occupied by displays of ornaments. It smells musty and stuffy and old. It's mildly suffocating. There are some Christmas lights and a few shelves with Santa statues and, inexplicably, jigsaw puzzles. My sister and I wander over to a wall to examine mini bingo cards. Ballet Dancers. Bud Light Cans. Frogs. Suddenly we hear "Psssssst!" behind us. We look up from a toaster on a hook and see my aunt's eyes peering at us over one of the shelves. "Hey," she says, "Have you seen this Santa? It reads The Night Before Christmas. The whole thing!" We glance over at a rosy cheeked, bespectacled, grinning tabletop figurine staring vacantly at...nothing. Sure enough, lines from the Night Before Christmas boomed fuzzily from its direction. "Wow," we respond blandly, "Cool." My aunt stares at the Santa in wonder.

Lil sis and I go back to exploring the tight quarters of the shop. My aunt wanders off. In the second small room, we look at and discuss the different types of mini-motorcycles when we hear the familiar "Psssssst!" A quick look to my left, over another display of ornaments, reveals my aunt holding up an ornament of a woman. It looks like some sort of fantasy novel character dressed in nature. Her gigantic breasts are covered with green leaves. Vines and other foliage make up the rest of her outfit. My aunt looks at the ornament and then looks back at us. "Obviously she's had some work done." She hangs scantily clad nature girl back up on the display and marches back to the other room. We're all giggling, and then Bryn and I head back outside to wait. Wine. Margaritas. They make the Christmas shop even funnier.

We're sitting on red, plastic, gigantic hand chairs in the cool afternoon greyness when my aunt emerges from the shop. We walk into the candy store next door, and my aunt buys me a caramel apple. Then we head off to the casino.