Oh, Seattle, how I once loved you. We had a long, extended honeymoon period. It used to be that when I went away I was always super excited to come back home. Looking down at the city from a plane, I used to feel a deep sense of contentment and belonging. Like Carrie Bradshaw who seemed to feel a never ending affinity for NYC, I thought my love and devotion to Seattle was undying. It turns out I was wrong; my feelings have definitely cooled. It's even to the point where TBF and I are talking about the possibility of moving to warmer spots after I finish school. The thought of one more winter here is a major downer, but there are other reasons. All the bus routes I take are either on the chopping block or under examination for reduction. Lots of grey. Traffic. The cost of living. The depressing financial climate that's causing tuition to skyrocket, public schools to fail, and social services to plummet. I know other places are facing similar, if not worse circumstances, but if the world is going to fall apart, could I at least see it all happen in warmth and sunshine? Since I'm starting to feel suffocated by the city I once held so dear, I'm thinking it's a sign that it may be time to go. Of course it's not a easy decision to make considering friends, family, and the aspects of Seattle I still like so much (political views, great restaurants, farmers markets, arts & culture...). What's that one book called, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay? Maybe I need to consult that for assistance in dealing with my troubled relationship with Seattle.
This is one of my secrets at the moment. There are others. Like, lately I've been craving bbq like nobody's business. I heart RoRo! And, while I could be eating the bbq portobello to maintain my vegetarian status, I've opted for chicken a few times instead. It's not like I can pretend to be the the strictest of vegetarians anyway since I love sushi and eat fish occasionally, but I tend to avoid all other meat, so this is a change. I've decided to give the portobello a whirl next time, however. The meat isn't appealing to me as much now, and I want to get back on track. This weekend I made a delicious veggie taco salad using veggie ground round and beans. Yum, yum!
Another secret is that I'm a bit terrified by the big changes ahead. Starting school last year was a big step, but I managed to say on at my job part-time for the year. At the end of this September, I'll be leaving this job of 9 years to do school full-time. Working 20 hrs/week is not going to be an option while I'm doing three days of practicum and two days of classes each week. I'm going to try to work somehow, but my income in going to be small and my school expenses high. Scary! I know it's worth it, but in the short term I sometimes get sad about finances and the fact that money has been a concern most of my life. I know I'm privileged in many ways and others have far worse circumstances than I do, but my world is what I know, and at moments I think about how great it would be to have a big, fat trust fund :-) so I could simply enjoy school and put my all into it without having to constantly worry about the money. In my worst moments, I get all huffy about having to make sacrifices, and I feel bad that finances are a barrier to the things outside of school that I want. And then I feel guilty for feeling bad about that, like I shouldn't want what I want because I'm blessed with so many wonderful people and lots of love in my life, and I'm fine, so why can't I just be happy with that? Blahbitty, blah, blah. I have regular guilt about those feelings, and then I have a special kind of social worker guilt, I think, because I see and work with people who are facing far greater challenges than this. And I think about everything I've learned in social worker school, and I go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! in my head.
So, yeah. I could go on and on about THAT. But, alas, there are so many (more interesting) things to discuss.
I was relieved to find out the other day that my memory going isn't early on-set Alzheimer's, it's this. Stressful academic year + Google = Forgetful Bacon R.
Operation Portion Control is going well. The trip to Santa Fe Cafe went pretty much as expected, although I had two margs (fresh strawberry!) and no dessert, so that's an ok trade-off, right? It was delicious deliciousness. But, I've been pretty good since then. I haven't hopped on a scale in the last couple of weeks to see if there is an impact, but overall I feel better with the changes I've made to my eating habits. Since returning from vacation, I'm inspired to cook more and make my own lunch for work. I'm trying to keep up with smaller, healthier snacks throughout the day so I don't get crazy hungry. And exercise. My energy is up and I'm just feeling happier in the bod overall. I don't know about you, but I think the key for me is finding a way to continue eating the kinds of foods I love in order to come up with plan that is sustainable.
I'm finding a lot of inspiration in the My Journey to a Healthy Berg blog. I saw a blurb about it on MSN, and it came at exactly the right time. First of all, I love super success stories, and the author Krista's experience so far can only be described as a success. She includes great meal, recipes, and exercise ideas, and I love, love, love that she posts pics of what she eats. The best part to me, though, is that while she makes a lot of healthy choices, she also incorporates in regular yummy food and treats. It's fantastic to see someone have success without completely depriving themselves. That's what is going to be sustainable for me. Mindful eating but not some totally strict diet of deprivation.
To prove my point about my love for success stories, TBF and I watched the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead over the weekend, and I got teary when I saw the transformation the two people in the film underwent on their vegetable juice diets. Both lost a gazillion pounds over a short period of time, and the impacts on their health were hugely positive. I just feel so happy for them. It was amazing and inspiring to watch. Unfortunately, the film overall rang of a subdued infomercial for a product, a high-end juicer to be exact. That I didn't love so much. There's no doubt that it worked and there were tremendous health benefits to both people, but I don't feel like that's the kind of diet I could sustain. I love good veggie juice, and I can see incorporating that into my diet more overall (I'd like to) along with the big amount of fruits and veggies I eat already, but I also have to the face the reality of who I am as a person. I love food. I love a lot of different kinds of foods. And, I think my greatest path to success will be in making more healthy choices and portion control. So, off I go!
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