This year...

I lost my MP3 player, and I bought a new one before leaving on my trip. I still have it! My old digital camera just stopped working, and I bought a new one for Israel, which was promptly stolen in Tel-Aviv. I got into a pretty bad car accident that resulted in over 8k in damages to my car. My laptop crapped out, so I ordered a new, pretty one, and that was a minor debacle in itself, because Dell somehow canceled my order the first time around. Then, last night I spent two hours on the phone with Dell support because somehow the software on my computer got totally corrupted (even though I have anti-virus protection), and I lost everything on it, because I had to completely reinstall windows and stuff to make it like a brand new computer again since it was totally f*cked, and, no, I didn't have a back-up, ok?!?

This year, I've lost money, credit cards, rings, my MP3 player, my driver's licence and work ID, books, a necklace, my writing, music, pictures of Travis's birth and other memorable moments, and I ended a friendship that turned out not to be much of a friendship at all. But, it still feels like a loss, mostly for what I believed it was and the promise I thought it held. As if all of this isn't enough, recently my family's beloved dog, Chloe, died. Argh! Loss seems to be the theme of 2008, and somehow, in the case of my things, it feels like a major clearing out of the old. I hope it's to make room for new good things to come in. I'm sensing that's what's up, and I'm looking forward to that!

The thing is that although my losses are a bummer for sure, I realize most of them aren't that big of a deal compared to the losses other people in my world have faced. In fact, I couldn't even muster up much upset over the computer last night. I shrugged and cringed and followed instructions, thinking, I guess this is a clean slate. You gain a new sense of perspective when a 20 year old you know dies after dental surgery, or you visit a town that's been bombed 258 times since January and bus stops are bomb shelters, or someone you know is diagnosed with Stage IV cancer, or you are with a friend when she finds out her brother has died and experience her pain, or you see someone you love dearly suffer major heartbreak. And, well, I feel like I've been given wonderful gifts this year, too, so I'm lucky. But that doesn't mean that I'm not a teensy bit excited for 2009 to roll on in, and it's only almost September. Do I say this every year?