Recently I read New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd's piece An Ideal Husband. She interviewed Father Pat Connor, a Catholic Priest who has provided marriage counseling for over 50 years and gives talks to teenagers titled "Whom Not To Marry." Girls tend to be his primary audience due to their interest in the subject and, from what I've read online, will often report back 10 years later that they wish they'd listened to his talk better.

At first I was skeptical about taking advice from a guy whose only committed relationship is with the Big G, but I have to admit that he knows his stuff. Whether you marry or not, clearly these points apply to anyone in an exclusive relationship that's moving past five minutes into long-term. To summarize:

• "Never marry a man who has no friends. This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands."
• Make sure you're like-minded about money.
• Stay away from the proverbial doormat. You don't want to be with someone whose life you can run.
• No mama's boys.
• Sense of humor is vitally important and will make up for a lot.
• No strong silent types. They "can be charming but ultimately destructive." Go for a communicator. I really like the Paul of Tarsus quote in the article, "In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up."
  
• Don't marry a poozer (what the article so nicely calls a "problem character") hoping you will change his ways. You won't.
  
• Have a clear view of his family and ingrained values. For the ladies, this is a good way to learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Along with that, you need to take into consideration whether or not his/her goals and deeply held beliefs are in alignment with yours. Father Connor gives examples of problems that can arise when a fundamentalist marries an agnostic or a pious Catholic ties the knot with a pious Muslim.
• Take a good, hard look at his character traits to figure out if he's a decent human being or not. The article mentions forgiveness, praise, and courtesy vs. liar, control freak, anger ball, secret keeper.
  

So, ok, I mean these are tips you can probably find in any so-so relationshipy self help book, or even Bridget Jones's Diary chick lit. And, all of it makes sense. I think the cool thing here is that this is a priest who has been giving this talk to high schoolers for the last 40 years! 40 years. I wish some of these things occurred to me x number of years ago (in some cases, x equals even a few years ago).

Of course, it's possible that with this knowledge clearly laid out before me I would have still made the same mistakes anyway. I know this. Who hasn't found themselves, at one time or another, irresistibly drawn to and deeply in love with an unsuitable partner, imagining that love can conquer all? But, whether it's effective in the short term or not, I think it's great to make an effort to get people thinking about the qualities of a healthy relationship sooner rather than later. And, as Father Connor says, "It’s important to do it before they fall seriously in love, because then it will be too late. Infatuation trumps judgment."

Yes. Yes it does. At least temporarily, and maybe always.